Why Is Honor Important In Your Family?

3, 2, 1…….. Have you ever said these words when your child disobeyed you? Through repetition, you’ve taught them that if you get to the dreaded zero in your countdown, then there will be some type of punishment. This had been my form of control and teaching my children how to be obedient. Because for me, obedience is very important. Who doesn’t want their children to obey their every command? But I really didn’t enjoy those times that I counted down to zero. As I counted, I’d have this internal conversation in my head. All I would be thinking was “come on kid, I don’t want to do this but I will.” Have you ever been there? Maybe you’ve had a similar experience in the disciplining of your child. Let me tell you about something that changed the way I disciplined my children.

It’s one word, HONOR! I know, I know. How can one word be so effective that it would cause me to leave my other discipline strategies? I was also skeptical, when I first heard it. Pastor Andy Stanley brought this idea that he experienced and is currently living out with his family. After teaching and studying the idea, and after practicing it myself, I realized how effective it was. So, let me break it down. In Ephesians 6:2 the bible teaches us that, children should honor their father and mother. Yes, as a parent you have the bible on your side but it goes beyond that. It’s possible that, you simply telling your child, “well the bible says you have to honor me” may not work. It requires more work on our side as parents. Honor in the new testament can mean that something is of value to you or it’s something you deem to have a price; but it also comes about through time. Who wouldn’t want their children to value, respect, and admire them? Before we get there, we have to Honor our children first.

The bible teaches us that, we love because God first loved us. He modeled that to us by revealing himself to us. In the same way how can our kids honor us if we don’t model it to them. Your children imitate you. They speak like you, and even act like you because they are learning from you. If we are constantly lying to our children, then we are not honoring them. If you say yes, I’ll take you to get ice cream tomorrow, and tomorrow comes and you don’t keep your promise, then you’re not honoring them. Instead, you’re teaching them that it’s ok to not follow through on what is said. Then they begin to lie to you, but remember where they learned it from first. As a parent we have the privilege and responsibility to teach, guide, coach, and love our children. Don’t take it lightly. If you do, someone else will teach them, and it may not be what’s best for them. I believe we now understand the importance we play on our children’s life, so let’s begin to teach honor.

We talked about how we must show honor to our children. Fathers, you can achieve this in the way that you interact with your wife. Do you value her in front of your children? Do you lie to her? Do you lift her up? Can your children see a healthy relationship between you and your wife? Fathers if you have boys, the way you treat your wife is the example you set for how they will interact with women when they are older. If you have daughters, the way you treat your wife will set an example of how they should expect to be treated as they are looking for their future husband. Mothers, the same go for you with your children. The way you treat your husband can bring him value, respect, and authority in your home. Our kids study everything, and the relationship between the spouses is a vital one. It’s the one they see throughout their life, and molds most of their future relationships. So, with that being said, parents honor your spouses. Not only does that benefit your children but it greatly benefits your marriage.

So, what do I do if my child dishonors (disrespects, lies, hurts, disobeys) me? Well here is the thing with honor. When you teach your children honor it leads to relationship. So, if you punish your children by taking away their cell phone, video games, YouTube, etc. all you’ve done is take something they like for some time. They might even resent you for it. It doesn’t feed or lead you to a closer relationship, but instead it serves to pull you apart. Now I know some of you are thinking “come on now” but hear me out. I come from a background where whooping is very common, and being familiar with a belt while growing up, but I think I turned out alright. However as a parent, I now know that it isn’t the most effective way. So, you might be asking “well then, what do I do?” Let me give you an example. Not too long ago my eldest dishonored her mom. When she got home, I asked her to go to her room and told her I would be in shortly to talk to her. When I got there, I asked her what happen. She told me a very non-detailed account of what happen. I told her what her mother told me and pointed out how she dishonored her. I reminded her how in our family we honor each other. I reminded her how dishonoring breaks the relationship we are building. Once she acknowledged what she had done, I then asked how she planned to fix it. I asked how can she now show honor after dishonoring. So, she threw out some ideas like making mommy a card, giving her strawberries with whip cream, and apologizing. I agreed and told her “so this is what you are going to do, PERFECT.”

When you lead your children to honor it always leads to building and protecting your relationship. If I take away YouTube, sure its effective for a while. But we never address the offense, the hurt that was done. By having them do something for the person they dishonored it leads to a reconciling and a building of the relationship.

Now teaching your children honor is not a one-night thing or a magical thing that works all the time. It’s something you must dedicate, focus, and prioritize on, if you want it to be a part of your family. Like we said earlier, honor is developed over time, so don’t rush it, just be consistent. When your children are trying to honor after a dishonor you might need to guide them through, on how to mend that relationship. At times, you might even need to strongly guide them in a direction you think is right; and as you do, be creative with it. The more creative, the stronger impact it will make, and they will remember it.

Now, teaching and upholding honor will take some work. It is far easier to take things away as a form of discipline but consider this, let’s stop taking away and start giving our kids practical ways to honor and treat people, and how to mend relationships. The end result should lead you to having children that even when they become adults, they are excited to spend time with you, because they honor you and cherish the relationship, they have with you. That destination sounds like a beautiful place to arrive at, as a parent. So, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work!

Let me encourage you with this prayer. Father God, I thank you for this teaching that has and is impacting my life. I am thankful for the honor and privilege you have given me, to be a parent. I pray for all those who reading this. Lord, may you encourage them and build them up as they are doing their best with what they have. Father strengthen them physically, mentally, and spiritually. Let them love what you have given them, the same way you love us all. Amen!

Written by Pastor Danny

Learn more about us @ Love Always Faithful

 

To the grieving mom

National Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day was last month. But sometimes it’s the words of encouragement when you don’t expect it that leave the biggest imprint on your heart. Especially since this month we are focusing on being thankful, I’m going to take the time and boldly say that I am thankful. Thankful for the experiences that caused deep pain, because they brought me closer to my Savior. They allowed me to know him in a way I never had before.

Yes, I’m thankful for the pain, because it broke me down and tore my pride. It made me realize that my strength is not my own but His. And in His supernatural embrace I found peace, joy and rest.

So to the hurting mom who is still mourning her loss, I offer these words of comfort and pray they lift you up. You are not alone….

Though the empty feeling is one you are constantly fighting, there’s one that’s fighting for you. You are not alone.

He’s there to embrace you when the sadness comes. When thoughts of what could have been start to plague you, He reminds you the best is yet to come.

Don’t let the pain build a wall but rather let it break you down, so you can receive all He has to offer. He will not fail you.

This life is temporary. The pain is temporary. And one day there will be no more of that.

We will be in God’s presence, fully secure that nothing will keep us away. There will be no more sorrow, no more pain, no more crying. No more aching heart. Only God in his infinite love.

But while we are all here on earth, He is with us. He promised not to leave us, and He always keeps his promises.

Let him fill your life in abundance with joy, laughter, and the desire to keep going.

Don’t give up, he’s there.

Don’t give up, you are not alone.

Though you may feel misunderstood, he’s seen every last detail and he understands.

You’re not crazy, there’s nothing wrong with you. You are just facing the process, and you will get through it.

You’re not alone, God is there. He is love and his love is enough.

It NEVER fails.

To the struggling parent, God is with you.

We have three daughters. And if there is something I have found to be harder than pregnancy and labor combined, it is raising them.

They are different from each other, and different from me altogether. They are also growing up at a different time, surrounded by different messages from the world, and in a different environment. I struggled often using methods of “how” I was taught when I really should have been focusing on “what” I was taught. The message delivered is the same, love God, love others, be kind etc. But HOW it is taught has to be different. I can’t expect to raise my daughters using methods that were used with me when I didn’t have to deal with half the things they are facing.

I grew up going to church, but we were not a ministry family. We were like any other family going to church, school, work etc. But my daughters are growing up under the umbrella of our calling. When my husband and I said yes to ministry, we did so as a family. Our kids travel with us to meetings, events, services, practices, you name it. Sometimes I can keep them on schedule and sometimes they are playing hide and seek on the church chairs past their bedtime.

A a parent I have questioned and wondered how this will affect them in the future. But then I remember that God was the one who gave them for me to raise. He knew the lifestyle they were going to be in therefore I believe their personalities and temperament were designed to fit the calling we have as a family. One day they will discover their own calling and continue to do God’s work long after we are gone.

Don’t get me wrong, they are kids and do things kids do. They run, play, cry, whine, pout, get into things, giggle at the wrong times….but one thing is certain, they will never see ministry as something “mom and dad” did but something “WE” did as a family. My job right now is to teach them why we do what we do. Why we pray for the sick, take a meal to someone in need, or pray for the random stranger we met at the store. You don’t have to be a ministry family to do those things. Serving is something all families can and should implement in their lifestyle. That way we create a generation that can be God’s hands and feet in this world.

We don’t have to stress over how what we’re doing is going to affect them. If we put God first in our lives, we can set the example and God will be faithful to guide them in their path and lead them to personally encounter him at the right time.

If there’s any advice I can give parents is this; the only thing you should worry about is whether your kids see Jesus in you. Do they see love and compassion? Do they see a helping hand or someone who lifts others up? Do they see someone who loves God and lives by His word? These memories will stay with them forever and the impact can bear amazing fruit.

Let them see you make and admit mistakes. If you lost your temper or raised your voice, turn it into a teaching moment where you can share with them that you were wrong but God is helping you to be better.

Long before I had children I saw raising a daughter as a scary thing, yet the Lord gave me three. (talk about facing your fears!) But I believe God will not give you something if he wasn’t going to equip you and be there every step of the way.

Mom and dad, breathe! It’s going to be ok! The Lord is always faithful and you’ve got on your side a God who NEVER fails.

A prayer for my children

Our oldest is starting kindergarten this year, and as we run around trying to get everything she needs to prepare for this new stage in her life I couldn't help but take a moment to sit back and reflect on what is the most important "preparing" we can do for her. That spiritual "prep". How can she be prepared to deal with what's ahead? Not just this year, but the rest of her life? I've come to realize there is no greater weapon against the currents of this world than prayer. The prayer of mother or father can move and shake mountains. Which is why I wanted to share this very personal prayer I wrote for all my children, and hopefully inspire you to pray daily for yours. Whether they are in diapers or graduating college, they will always need your covering in prayer.

A prayer for my children:

"God I pray that ALL my children will know you. That they not only encounter you but that their lives may be devoted to you. That your love may shine through them and minister to whoever comes their way. That they may spread your love and joy wherever they go.

That they dare to love deeply and unconditionally, just as you do. That when they speak they lift others and exalt your name. That their lives may reach the potential of what you have created them to be. That they may look to YOU to find themselves, their Creator.

That they not be deceived by the "glamour" in this world or what it claims to offer. But that they walk in wisdom guided by your hand. That they may never change or alter who they are in you because of a lie. But that they stand strong in the face of opposition and be victorious.

God I pray you make me the mother they need to care for them and send them the right direction. Let my guidance always be love filled with a word of life inspired by you. That my words build them up, not tear them down.

That my daughters may be God filled powerful women, devoted to you, their husbands, and their families. That my sons will be courageous men filled with your power and anointing, fighting for souls and for their families. That they care for their wives and children as you care for us.

Teach us how to be the parents they need. Inspiring and comforting, not judgmental or harsh, leading them to you in all we say and do.

Teach us Lord, we are imperfect but willing. We look to you for guidance and strength against all troubles we may face. We trust in you, you are our rock. Our solid foundation, never changing. God almighty forever and ever Amen."

I used to be scared.

wpid-wp-1432929881284.jpegI used to be scared. Scared about bringing kids into this world. Not about the labor pains or giving birth or even experiencing something so wildly new, but about raising kids in this fast changing world that seems to only point in one direction…away from God. A place where everything needs to be “accepted” and the lines of moral values have been blurred and shaded grey because now it’s all about “living your own truth”. Yes THAT scared me. Teaching my children to live in a way that is looked at as “old fashioned” or “closed minded”. I lived with this fear until our first daughter was born. When I got to experience first hand how powerful love can be. How overwhelmingly amazing it is to love someone so strongly that you’d be willing to give your life for them. How love drives everything you do, your thoughts, your decisions, your plans…..and I realized that’s how God’s love is for us. So strong that it goes beyond our understanding, yet we attain a humbling glimpse of it when we hold our child in our arms. I wanted her to know God’s love…. and to share it with the world. Yes it is a cold world, and it needs to be warmed with His love. The world needs an army to fight for and rescue all those who are walking without Christ. That is what I am raising. Soldiers. Individuals who are filled with the love of God and will stop at nothing to share it with the world. This transformed my thinking…and I was no longer afraid. I have experienced LOVE….God is love. And His love in us “rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails.” (1 Cor 13:6).  And my children will know His love. In their journey to encountering and knowing the living God, my husband and I will be right there….covering them with our prayers, and proclaiming the Word over their lives. Our home is a training ground, one that trains currently through crayons and puzzle pieces. So if you are scared of bringing children into this world or fear for the ones you currently have, be at peace. You are raising soldiers for an almighty God. And he is there every step of the way…. He NEVER fails.