Our God is a god of time. He has been teaching me that things well done take time, therefore, if there is a process that he needs to take me through it’s not going to happen overnight. Being a naturally impatient person I’ve had to learn I can’t fast forward the process…..and if he needs me to go through it, then I sure can’t skip it.
I experienced this lesson heavily recently, as I walked the process of yet another miscarriage. This one far more painful and traumatic than ones in the past. As soon as we discovered that something was wrong I knew what path awaited. So in a defensive state I wanted to be done with the situation before it even really began, wanting it all to be behind me overnight. Through raw broken tears I quickly brushed it off and said “If I went through it once, I can do it again.” But this process was very different than the others. The band-aid that I wanted to be quickly ripped off turned into weeks of testing, bloodwork, and more appointments. The pain that I so desperately wanted to be done with was being dragged out, and I had nowhere to run. I prayed, “Just let me move on, let’s just get this over with.” In my spirit I knew there was purpose, but I battled my flesh aggressively each day that passed.
You see, there are no shortcuts to growth. God is a detailed maker and what he’s doing in you he’s going to do it well done. So it WILL take time. A process has steps and each is necessary to move on to the next. In life our growth is often messy. Perhaps the ugliest thing we’ll ever see, but the end result will be beautiful…if we are willing to go through it.
Grieving is such a process. No one wants to go through it, there’s nothing beautiful about it. You might try to push through emotions to continue moving on with your life and think that you are being “strong”. But you’re not, you’re avoiding the process. Being strong means enduring that process. Allowing yourself to feel, cry, yell, to bleed. And the strength surely doesn’t come from you, it comes from God through his grace. He’s not asking you to hold it together, he’s taking care of that for you.
God knows what you’re feeling, you’re not alone in this. Through the process he will show you things, reveal things that will change your life. He will share the depths of his Word and promises, and his love for you.
Through my pain I experienced God closer than ever before. Though there were days I felt him silent, I knew he was there. Though there were days I had no words to say and no tears left to cry, I knew not a moment escaped him. I learned when difficult moments come, to just brace myself and trust in him. Even when the wave hits he will not let you drown.
So take a deep breath and allow yourself to go through the process. It’s not meant to harm you, it’s meant for your good and the good of those around you. It will bring you closer to him and bring glory to his name.
A most beautiful promise in Romans 8:28 reads like this, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Don’t try to escape the process, embrace it. He will not fail you.